{"id":28,"date":"2022-04-11T04:55:33","date_gmt":"2022-04-11T04:55:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/?page_id=28"},"modified":"2023-05-11T16:46:21","modified_gmt":"2023-05-11T16:46:21","slug":"bab-i","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/bab-i\/","title":{"rendered":"Bab I"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-cover alignfull is-light\" style=\"min-height:420px;aspect-ratio:unset;\"><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-cover__background has-gray-background-color has-background-dim\"><\/span><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1870\" class=\"wp-block-cover__image-background wp-image-39\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/IMG_1127-scaled.jpg\" data-object-fit=\"cover\" srcset=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/IMG_1127-scaled.jpg 2560w, https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/IMG_1127-300x219.jpg 300w, https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/IMG_1127-1024x748.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/IMG_1127-768x561.jpg 768w, https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/IMG_1127-1536x1122.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/IMG_1127-2048x1496.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><div class=\"wp-block-cover__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-cover-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-white-color has-text-color has-large-font-size\">Childhood<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-large-font-size\"><strong>We&#8217;re in Sabah&#8230;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-normal-font-size\">&#8230; a northern sliver of Borneo that belongs to Malaysia instead of Indonesia, where children take the first names of their fathers as their last names.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image aligncenter size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/borneo-map.gif\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-42\" width=\"464\" height=\"405\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-normal-font-size\">It is where my Nenek (grandpa) Dannyseus was renamed by his daughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-cover alignwide is-light\" style=\"min-height:750px;aspect-ratio:unset;\"><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-cover__background has-background-dim\"><\/span><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"720\" height=\"405\" class=\"wp-block-cover__image-background wp-image-45\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/car.gif\" data-object-fit=\"cover\"\/><div class=\"wp-block-cover__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-cover-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-white-color has-text-color has-normal-font-size\">My dad sits behind the wheel of my uncle\u2019s van.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-white-color has-text-color has-normal-font-size\">He drives us through Papar and my mother\u2019s memory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-white-color has-text-color has-normal-font-size\">As she looks out the window, she feels \u2014\u2014 for perhaps<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-white-color has-text-color has-normal-font-size\">the first time in my life \u2014\u2014 the need<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-white-color has-text-color has-normal-font-size\">to tell stories from the childhood she sees there.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video alignwide\"><video height=\"1080\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1920 \/ 1080;\" width=\"1920\" controls src=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/no1_FINAL_042422.mp4\"><\/video><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Interview no. 1<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>In the car, she talks about Nenek Pondo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I learn that her childhood wasn\u2019t all junk yard diving and drunken beatings like she made it sound sometimes. She talks about how Nenek \u2014\u2014 who I always knew was a conman \u2014 was once a very good conman, and they\u2019d had money before he gambled it all away. Then they had to fire their chauffeur and move out of a white brick house into a bamboo one, somewhere in Sabah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She says it proudly and finally; that living in Sabah can either make or break you \u2014\u2014 and it broke them, my siblings. It broke them. But look at me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I looked at her, and thought of wine glasses in flight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video alignwide\"><video height=\"1080\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1920 \/ 1080;\" width=\"1920\" controls src=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/no2_FINAL_042422.mp4\" playsinline><\/video><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Interview no. 2<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size\"><strong>I only ever knew him as Nenek Pondo.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I sometimes thought it was weird he had so many names, but I didn\u2019t question it; I figured maybe he liked to collect them. It wasn\u2019t until I was ten that I found out \u201cPondo\u201d was the kind of name you use when he isn\u2019t around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s from the Dusun <em>pondogonon, <\/em>which my mother has translated on different occasions as both \u201cbig fat ghost\u201d and \u201cbig monster ghost.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The nickname was as affectionate as the user needed it to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I can hear something in it though. It&#8217;s something I see in my mother; something she&#8217;s given to me. Listen: <em>pondogonon. <\/em>Its elasticity. There is a back-and-forth. You start at the lips, back onto the tongue, but just before it escapes, you&#8217;re pulled back in \u2014\u2014 the &#8220;go&#8221; traps you, and you&#8217;re left to echo in the chamber: &#8220;onon.&#8221; Forever on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It has the feel of something vacillating, something trying to flee, perhaps from the ghost of him, who I hear in her every laugh and in my own mumble, and is clearest when she screams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nenek Juvita is most apparent in our silences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-video alignwide\"><video height=\"1080\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1920 \/ 1080;\" width=\"1920\" controls src=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/no3_FINAL_042422.mp4\"><\/video><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Interview no. 3<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;ve heard growing up is just the process of becoming your parents. I&#8217;m beginning to realize just how complete that becoming is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I listen to my mother describe Nenek Pondo and Nenek Juvita, and suddenly her every contradiction seems to cohere. Hypocrisy becomes logic. How else could she sit before my camera with that deficit of attention that seems so focused? It is the same answer to another question I&#8217;ve asked: how can one woman be at once so stubborn but so flighty? Now I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She has a father who fought, and a mother who took flight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n<nav class=\"is-responsive items-justified-center wp-block-navigation is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-navigation-is-layout-a89b3969 wp-block-navigation-is-layout-flex\" aria-label=\"Navigation 6\" \n\t\t data-wp-interactive=\"core\/navigation\" data-wp-context='{\"overlayOpenedBy\":{\"click\":false,\"hover\":false,\"focus\":false},\"type\":\"overlay\",\"roleAttribute\":\"\",\"ariaLabel\":\"Menu\"}'><button aria-haspopup=\"dialog\" aria-label=\"Open menu\" class=\"wp-block-navigation__responsive-container-open\" \n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-on--click=\"actions.openMenuOnClick\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-on--keydown=\"actions.handleMenuKeydown\"\n\t\t\t><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 7.5h16v1.5H4z\"><\/path><path d=\"M4 15h16v1.5H4z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/button>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"wp-block-navigation__responsive-container\"  id=\"modal-1\" \n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-class--has-modal-open=\"state.isMenuOpen\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-class--is-menu-open=\"state.isMenuOpen\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-watch=\"callbacks.initMenu\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-on--keydown=\"actions.handleMenuKeydown\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-on--focusout=\"actions.handleMenuFocusout\"\n\t\t\t\ttabindex=\"-1\"\n\t\t\t>\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"wp-block-navigation__responsive-close\" tabindex=\"-1\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"wp-block-navigation__responsive-dialog\" \n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-bind--aria-modal=\"state.ariaModal\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-bind--aria-label=\"state.ariaLabel\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-bind--role=\"state.roleAttribute\"\n\t\t\t>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<button aria-label=\"Close menu\" class=\"wp-block-navigation__responsive-container-close\" \n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-on--click=\"actions.closeMenuOnClick\"\n\t\t\t><svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"m13.06 12 6.47-6.47-1.06-1.06L12 10.94 5.53 4.47 4.47 5.53 10.94 12l-6.47 6.47 1.06 1.06L12 13.06l6.47 6.47 1.06-1.06L13.06 12Z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/button>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"wp-block-navigation__responsive-container-content\" \n\t\t\t\tdata-wp-watch=\"callbacks.focusFirstElement\"\n\t\t\t id=\"modal-1-content\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul class=\"wp-block-navigation__container is-responsive items-justified-center wp-block-navigation\"><li class=\" wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link\"><a class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__content\"  href=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\"><span class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__label\">Homepage<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\" wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link\"><a class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__content\"  href=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/bab-i\/\"><span class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__label\">Bab I<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\" wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link\"><a class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__content\"  href=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/bab-ii-2\/\"><span class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__label\">Bab II<\/span><\/a><\/li><li class=\" wp-block-navigation-item wp-block-navigation-link\"><a class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__content\"  href=\"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/bab-iii\/\"><span class=\"wp-block-navigation-item__label\">Bab III<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div><\/nav>\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We&#8217;re in Sabah&#8230; &#8230; a northern sliver of Borneo that belongs to Malaysia instead of Indonesia, where children take the first names of their fathers as their last names. It is where my Nenek (grandpa) Dannyseus was renamed by his daughter. In the car, she talks about Nenek Pondo. I learn that her childhood wasn\u2019t [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-28","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/28","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/28\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":216,"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/28\/revisions\/216"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ibu.alexanderhoefer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}